Answers to Reader Questions

My friend The Queen asks:

So it begs the ultimate question, if a cat throws up under a bed, does
it make that horrible hacking sound? And if so, do you really have to clean it
up? And finally, how can I train my cats to throw up under the bed, instead
of right in the middle of where I walk every single day only to have me STEP
in it!!!! (ok, so that was 3 ultimate questions.)

1. Yes, gentle reader, when the cat pukes under the bed, I do hear that horrible hacking sound. But only at 3 am when I am sound asleep and can't wake up and place the sound until it's far too late to grab the cat and toss her outside.

2. No, I am not required to clean it up. Since the spouse has proven himself quite capable of sleeping through two full years of the wonder baby waking up at least once every night, he can certainly sleep through a little cat hacking. I go back to sleep. By the time I wake up in the morning, it is all simply a bad dream. And really, we won't be moving the bed till we get ready to buy new carpet or move out of the house. Either way, why waste precious knitting time cleaning some place that nobody but the cat ever goes anyway?

3. No, you can't train the cats to puke in the place of your choice. You have forgotten the key element of the cat/human relationship: Your CAT is training YOU. Be honest: Haven't you become more careful about where you step?