The Bad Mommy

I work only to pay for his therapy later.

Location: Novato, California, United States

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Things to Know

My child is not really a morning person. It's only taken me 9 years to figure it out, but I've recently come to the conclusion that EVERYTHING that happens before the kid has had his shower is My Fault.

He can't get out of bed because I'm sitting on the edge of the bed holding the covers down.

He's tired because I let him stay up reading the night before. (It doesn't matter that I sent him to bed and when I went back to check on him an hour later discovered him sitting in our bed reading a book that he couldn't put down.)

It is entirely my fault that I am Not Funny - about anything - before he's had his shower.

After he gets in the shower, it all changes. He starts to wake up and his brain gets going. In the space of 5 minutes yesterday morning he came up with the following:
  • Mom, how long is the war in Iraq going to last? Well, that's a tough one. I don't think anybody can predict that.
  • Mom, I have this idea for building a space ship to fight aliens. If the aliens are bad aliens, that is. Cool. Tell me about it.
  • Mom, how is cheese produced? You know, I've always wondered about that. Maybe we can look it up on the computer when we get home tonight. Or maybe we can visit a cheese factory for a tour.
  • Mom, why are California condors so UGLY? I don't know, babe. I guess it works for them.

Cut me some slack on that last answer. I was barely awake myself and Mommy really NEEDS that hot chocolate before she functions well in the morning.

Wednesdays are my carpool day - we pick up two other kids and I drop them all at school. Also before I get my hot chocolate.

Yesterday morning the talk turned to

  • Dogs' ability to see - no colors. This is because of the ratio of rods to cones in their eyes. (I beg your pardon? You guys are NINE. How do you KNOW this stuff? And none of it is news to the other kids in the car. They already knew it too. How have I missed this?)
  • Monkeys, porpoises and flies - Among the only creatures in the world other than humans who recognize that when they look in a mirror they're seeing themselves, rather than another creature. (Seriously? I would have guessed there were many more. It's indicative of something - not sure what - that I take this at face value and don't really question the kid who shared the information.)
  • Lengthy discussion of birds and their sounds. One of the kids had a copy of Bird Songs* with him and the three of them compared various sounds and talked about where they had heard them before. Nobody thought this was unusual. (Seriously. Nobody thought this detailed conversation was unusual. Again, you guys are nine. When I was nine, my friends and I had imaginary friends from the planet Jupiter who drove Mercedes. But let's not go there.)
  • But the smartest thing I heard all morning was from the kid (not mine) who looked at me and said "Hey! Cool socks!" I LOVE him.

*The book is gorgeous, by the way. Thumbs up from this quarter.


Blogger Valerie said...

I don't know how I found you, but just wanted to say that I really enjoyed reading your blog!
Love your kid. Love your sock race. Love your humour.
Have a good weekend!

2:45 PM  
Anonymous maya aka ladycashmere at gmail dot com said...

oh boy, and this is before puberty? you should turn your blog into a book... it might provide good comic relif and a sense of sanity for new moms! Your son is wonderful, a handful and such a character...and you do such a beautiful job of delivering the picture in a few words...

1:48 PM  

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