The Bad Mommy

I work only to pay for his therapy later.

Location: Novato, California, United States

Saturday, January 28, 2006


Those of us who live with kids know that being alone in the bathroom is a infrequent luxury. Frankly, it really only happens when you're the only one at home and if you own cats, you can forget about it then too. It's useless to lock the door because then your child will stand outside the door knocking, calling to you, asking how long you're going to be or if you know where xxx is. So you will appreciate how hard it was not to laugh the other morning when I walked into the bathroom when C was taking his morning pee and was greeted with "Can't a man get a little privacy around here?"

Sunday, January 22, 2006

I Have An Announcement To Make ---

7:04 this morning: I hear sounds of life from the front of the house. C is up and moving. Kind of early for a Sunday, but mercifully he's old enough to be up and about by himself without me having to worry about him or get up with him. I go back to sleep.

An hour later: We hear "Ahem. I have an announcement to make." We sit up to "Breakfast is served" and indeed, there are trays on each side of the bed, bearing beverages, flatware and cloth napkins, scrambled eggs, sliced apple and beautiful pancakes. Our suddenly shy son says "I probably risked my LIFE making this breakfast" (using the stove all by himself).

Without question, the best meal I've ever had. He was so proud of himself and so self-effacing about how good it was.

The best part: He cleaned up the kitchen, for the most part, as he went along.

The second best part: M had gone out to a crab feed last night with some of his friends. "Oh yeah - I'll be home by midnight, no problem." Actually, it was after 2 am so 8:00 was a little early for him...

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Parenting Is Not For The Faint Of Heart

So we're at Dr. Insomnia's this morning, having a little hot chocolate, etc. and M and C are reading the paper while I'm knitting. C is reading the funnies. In Baby Blues this morning, the mom gives the toddler an m&m and comes back a minute later to find the kid covered in chocolate. She says: You're the only person I know who can turn one m&m into a chocolate orgy.

C: Mom, what's an orgy?
me: M, do you want to handle this one?
M: What?
me: Why don't you explain to C what an orgy is?
M: What are you reading??
Guy at the next table, trying to pretend he's not listening: Laughs hysterically.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Not all dreams are meant to come true...

You know how sometimes you suddenly remember a dream you had the night before? Well I just realized I dreamt last night that George W. Bush was madly in love with me. I would normally categorize this as a nightmare but he was more annoying than anything else, following me around, declaring his love, embarrassing me in front of my family (including my husband).

I guess now I know why I've been so tired in the mornings....

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Mad Max, Lucky Charms and Milk Out the Nose

I took Max to the vet this morning and they were able to remove all 18 stitches without having to sedate him and, more importantly, without him biting, scratching or hissing at anyone. We've all learned the hard way: do the icky stuff in the first five minutes (which Max will give you for free) and THEN do the easy stuff like weighing him. We were in and out in eight minutes, with nice compliments about his behavior and how well he had healed. Now that the vet has our $400 and has signed off on Max's health, M and I are both convinced that Max will get hit by a car in the next 24 hours....

In other news, M got home Monday night and we were chatting while I cleaned up the kitchen. I was filling him in on my day, what was new, etc. Among the things I had discovered that day was the fact that Slick (a very picky eater) apparently likes Lucky Charms. I had discovered him up on the table with his head in the bowl that C hadn't quite finished that morning. I had my back to M as I casually mentioned this and wasn't aware that he had just lifted a full gallon jug of milk to his lips immediately before my revelation. So now you know why the rest of the title of this post is "Milk Out the Nose."

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